Tuesday, 23 October 2007

Amor fati

Discovering within a simple allegory that which will henceforth give meanings to my life, and will provide necessary drive to my present passions...
I want to learn more and more to see as beautiful what is necessary in things; then I shall be one of those who make things beautiful. Amor fati: let that be my love henceforth! I do not want to wage war against what is ugly. I do not want to accuse; I do not even want to accuse those who accuse. Looking away shall be my only negation.

Amor fati!

Monday, 8 October 2007

REACH INTO THE MUD

Where does one so go in depth of heart, depth of spirit a true spirit?
Into the mud, for a cardinal rule of life is one must begin with less to achieve more… to reach for that everlasting, that which neither corrupts nor corrodes.
To hold a loftier goal than the mere subjugated morass one may be peopled with, idealistic? Yes in all but the fewest forms and manifestations, yes this stooping for yet more is idealistic.
But I am yet an idealist; alas for want of ideals passionate existence becomes subservient to a daily existence of mere survival. It ought not to be!
The mere prospect of decades of monotony so frightens me, that my heart, my soul is filled with pallor at the prospect.
Yet I thank Him (God) that it has not to be! That the soul of man may chart a new path, perhaps a contradictory path if he so wills.
I intend and resolutely resolve to chart one of a passion filled meaningful existence, even while yet residing between the two worlds neither dead but yet not truly born.
For existence is more than an insult, I believe it is an investment we have made from a view based on superior intellect. I do believe it is a conscious choice we so choose, though my life has strayed from that illuded to perfect I believe it has dictated much to my benefit as of now and beyond.
Yet what so defines idealism? Why is it so frowned upon by those acclaimed reasonable, those logical? I have found that which explains it as; “of high moral or intellectual value; elevated in nature or style; an exalted ideal; argue in terms of high-flown ideas; a noble and lofty concept; a grand purpose…
I believe idealism and therefore idealists are feared largely due to the ripples that they spread ever outwards in the calm waters of thought that have lain placid with some for perhaps too long.
The indoctrination of our age that gives continual rebirth to that said normal, the near endless recurrence of human self absorption and temporary satisfaction.
That of the said moment a mere fleeting moment used oft subconsciously as the measurement of a near endless time. Where time is lost to the moment, and reason and depth to momentary pleasures, in this state much of humanity lies. And in this state I have recently found MYSELF!
I admit I have candidly yielded ideals and values for momentary sanctuary, rest from the respite… selfish pleasures.
I have knowingly traded value and reason for comfort and leisure, this I despise in myself I abhor.
Yes I have concluded that my life has fallen into that which I passionately hate, that I despise beyond all measure. I am repulsed at the state of my mental facilities, which would facilitate such a state of self-indulgence and self pleasure.
Leaving my chosen destiny to second place, ignoring the sole reason of existence!
That of assisting those so addled as I once was, without hope! Hope must thrive in the corners of every heart least darkness overtaketh the peace so remaining.
Yet I will again rise and resolve to instill in those I find the hope gained from Him, a hope everlasting, undying. This is the sole purpose of my existence, the love for my God and the love for my friends, family, and those so stuck beneath the mud of society’s entrapments.
The despicable quagmire, visible only as a enticingly calm body of water, yet beneath countless generations have exsanguinated and doth continue to do so.
For geniuses are employed in every circle to keep the masses so bound, too oft unknowingly bound. For one born in bondage knows not freedom, knows not life! But light will always piece the dark; love will always dispel doubt and senseless hatred.
Yes I will jump into the pool of stagnant thought, driving waves not mere ripples to those ashore. Disturbing their placid calm, and far worse yet upon so doing I shall reach into the mud.

Thursday, 4 October 2007

Equals

DISCLAIMER
THE FOLLOWING POST DOES NOT APPLY TO THOSE FEMALES WHO ATTEMPT TO FUCK THEIR WAY THROUGH LIFE, AND INTO BETTER SOCIAL STANDINGS...

Many men while admitting(most often in the presence of women) to equality with women in the aspect of mental abilities and perhaps even so believe in theory, at the bottom of many a heart still lies the consideration that women are stupid and insignificant in mental capacities... with the exception of those they happen to be sentimentally in love with(though even this is not always the case) and have prolonged interactions of an intimate nature.

However upon consideration of a wide variety of mental abilities one will find women more often than not holding their own or trouncing that of our(men's) mental abilities.

For often women are not so held by egotism and resolute opinions that inflict self harm upon ones intellect. For to progress one must learn and to learn one exhibits humility. For humility is a virtue rarely surpassed by other virtues and those who embrace it thus proactively cognize to a level unprecedented in those who avoid any and all self debasing acts.

Due to our egotistical nature we seldom seek the company of those who could enhance our existing mental capacities by interacting with, debating with, and so reasoning with them.We avoid those we fear posses a knowledge superior to our own, we fear to learn!

We are not forced to listen and we rarely listen to that which bores our hyperactive bodies which are largely searching for those moments where we least stimulate the brain, men must largely be forced to learn, or have some pressing demand which facilitates the need to learn. A vacuum a void will be filled... yet we must create that void and search for more.

I have approached far too many men whose opinion of their own intellect exceeds to a humiliating level their expressed and observed ability. These are those of the brash brazen sort often walking into a conversation seeking solely to manipulate and drive the conversation. In so doing they feel a sense of power, some even allow themselves to experience a sense of admiration.But as a boy among children yet younger is engorged in his perceived wisdom yet his father views his child with pity and alarm.

All possess a degree of wisdom and one can learn from all, shutting yourself off to the insights and opinions of others is damaging your ability to cognize as a whole taking away from that you claim to possess.

Let us therefore endeavor to free our minds, lives and interactions from egotism, binding bigotry and pride. Once loosed from our shackles we may discover those females our equals...

THAT WHICH DOES NOT KILL US MAKES US STRONGER

I will not seek temporal respite over long-term gain, alas I truly believe and will continue to endeavour to live by that which to some is only a maxim, but to me has preserved my sanity and life.
That my life could be a dream, a nightmare terminating upon the coming dawn. Yet such futile thoughts are but ancient fossils of adolescence and for lesser individuals, for in them is a pattern which weakens the resolve to advance into ones fears.
For fears are largely the limitations of life we live to overcome, what does not kill makes one stronger... this compels one forward in all but few aspects of life though pathos curses me now, tomorrow i will smile back at what has not terminated my life, for it has only strengthened my resources to enhance the resolve to live...

That which does not kill us makes us stronger

Traveling thoughts

Upon the approach to my transitory home I am met with feelings wide ranging, ranging from nostalgia to euphoria... but yet all are foreshadowed by a cloud that dulls out the horizon of petty thoughts and feelings. People from the previous three weeks I rarely miss yet, yet I miss the emotional contact and elements of fleeting passion passing in my life.
Yet pale do they compare to that which rages my passions in aroused and violent settings, for driven I am by the thought of severe injustice and fated loss.
Loss implies ownership, but what i have not gained sole possession of I have never owned. But yet no other word can so substitute to the explaining of my state than the word loss, for in all moments of physical isolation the driving desire to possess that which is mine has driven me, so I do alas feel loss.
Passions inflamed to a combustible level, threatening my very sanity and well being I must endeavor to check, and thus is the birth of this post.
This I feel is yet a time of testing, yet again. I feel haggard and verge on the edge of savagely complaining against fate, yet as always fate will press on and the course of action will still not through any great expenditure of rage.
I must give thanks for the path chosen before my existence in concession of I, I in a state of enlightenment, a higher intelligence than of now(foresight perhaps)has but advanced another step toward that which must bring explanation to that which puzzles me. Alas I must fight these embittering thoughts of life for life has asked much of me, yet it has not left me without resources to meet its payments, though they scrape the bottom of my will and pierce my soul as to the bone, its demands I can meet. I ought to pity those I now envy for though life has(I feel) extracted little from them in turn they have been given little of character. For though I contest at times the chiseling of my character, thanks should be given that as of yet I am not brittle to the touch of fate.
I submit to the hands of my God, I know beyond my fleeting questions His will I trust. For he has not demanded beyond my former ascent, and of now he has not asked above my will to give though this sears my soul with a pain previously unbelieved tolerable by I, I will give his will sole rule.
Perhaps pain be my signature to life, but though of now this try my tolerance to accept the demise I will refute these torments, and as of now I will deny myself the only left pleasure in life...

Idiocy

Most often individuals attempt to explain the unexplainable as if through osmosis of logical thinking we unravel the reels of complex thoughts and endless complexities previously unexplainable.
But as Cicero admitted "There is nothing so absurd that it has not been said by philosophers" all that is so abstract has been explained or attempted explained before.
Observe the trend of philosophy the explaining of the ever shifting, changing metaphysical in sense. Many of those who have tried overtaxing their brain, resulting often in insanity.
And yet it is not explained, it is so explained(rarely) to ones own appeasement but what appeases one doth not appease all. Philosophies are writ to the appeasement of self, and seldom go as far as being capable to clarify to the satisfaction of many, they are for few. For life is philosophy, therefore we all must philosophy . To know yourself is to be a philosopher, for to know why you exist, for who, and to what sole end is the meaning we have all wished was defined. Yet our belief gives rise to our meaning, our existence. Let us therefore philosophy for our own appeasement, to attempt to reason with the mass is idiocy...

Fear Death?

Why do we these intelligent beings find the termination of the temporal existence we call life to be filled with alarm of a childlike nature... why does it so alarm us?

Why is the loss of contemporary existence so feared?

If we are above the animals, above those moronic creations of this planet in both power to cognize and explain why do we fear in equal or worse measure as they?

If we fear due to the unknown, first ask what is that unknown? Is it unknown due to lack of knowledge or due to lack of wisdom?

For one day all will be known but can you now know?

To live a life beneath a pall of a fearful existence is too wonder between two worlds, alive yet not born. Partaking of neithers splendor yet suffering their combined nostalgia and sorrow.

To live one must mount campaigns to eradicate that which is feared, so that one may embrace life and death in the glorious splendor befitting one so chosen to pass through the hourglass, alas how short is the moment, therefore one must treasure all, including the fall.

Life contains meanings hidden from our scope of knowledge we cannot deny, yet those meanings give rise to life. For if we knew life in the full there would be no meaning, one must discover meaning.

life without meaning is life without existence, why then do we fear that which fails to cause loss of existence? For death too carries a reason, and heralds a chance for a new beginning.

Soul Search - Peace vs happiness

There must be a conscious decision accepted in the life of each and everyone of us beings dwelling in transitory existence on this planet who soul search...

What is given soaring heights of impression, and used largely to convey an often outward show of depth is oft erroneously called philosophy.

Yet ask oneself how many hours have you soul searched, (if you haven't you wont understand my blog) in twisted mental concentration for that of a higher ideal? For that which affirms meaning unlimited to this narrow now, this moment of time you've grasped. This is your philosophy.

To each one who has attempted so, hours will yield to meanings, meanings one has always known. Yet meanings above all else deceive in nature... for that which states the profound as of now, as situations contort and present passions wither will once again seem void, yet still contain the same meaning.

Yet there are those meanings which to the individuals thus dedicated to them hold true they are held true to in ill situations and through a morass of passions, due to reinforced belief.

These I consider a core, the foundation upon which the tapestry of life is constructed and fashioned.

My life as of late has been awash with doubts and soul searings. Consequently to war against such one must command a firm structure trusted and sound. This I am attempting to do, to inspect and reaffirm the foundations upon which i stand. Hench the introspection and questioning of that held believed long by I, perhaps too long.

That of a meaning which is a structural foundation to life and supports much of that which we stand upon and base our daily interaction upon. Searching to state what I moment by moment live for, towards or am in conscious pursuit of. Do we adjudge happiness and joy as a satisfaction surpassing others, both in value and in effort expanded to attain?

Or do we adjudge it as others passing at will that we are privileged to experience yet must willingly part with as situations dictate.

Alas many have placed such immense value upon those(happiness and joy) that they view the fulfillment of their lives, the success of their ventures upon these. What myopia, those purblind individuals “living” for those moments where one is self gratified, often at the expense of another. These times as life will necessitate absent, having been equated disproportionately as an element which necessitated life will often results in these experiencing truly depressing depression. Self inflicted and developed by momentary pleasure being the rule of existence...

Yet we all must exist for reason and towards some higher meaning, our life has a mission a goal of sorts that we must seek towards its discovery. And once found and so experienced we will find a state of being that supersedes momentary happiness and joy.

I am presented with a process of thought... It is not express thus as fact, only thought. That of the sense of lasting satisfaction that supersedes the moment is most often trampled over by the very ones who claim to seek it. As a drunkard traipsing with a spent whore while the one he loves observes, palled is he by his drunkenness and momentary satisfaction... yet rude will be his awakening and depressing in all thought his morrow. Such I compare those who seek happiness and joy to the detriment of character. These have observed their goal, yet placed a goal of such limited capacity that it is readily reached and lost, a cycle of endless pursuit, gain, and loss, ever achieving yet never gaining that achieved...

Thus I feel there must be a conscious decision made in the life of each and every one of us beings dwelling in transitory existence on this planet who soul search. The cemented decision to chose that beyond our own desires, desires deceiving the souls search. The demands of the temporal happiness and joy. We ought to forsake those in light of that lasting, that of firm unshakable resolution, that of peace.

Peace of soul, peace of mind, peace of spirit.

That which circumstances cannot dictate, but are dictated by a higher order and calling... sense of purpose.

For purpose overrides the moment and is subservient to none in moral standing but to that of a higher purpose. Thereof dictate unto your life a purpose, one that dust and rust doth not possess power to corrupt, one where thieves break not into and steal, endeavor to lay up your treasures in heaven for where your treasures be, there be your heart also...

What is the conscious decision made in your life, for you dwell in a transitory existence on this planet and you soul search...